Real Love Part ! & 2 - Brother Omi Speaks

Real Love: Like Mary J. Blige Said Part I

First we have to be honest. We are told so many lies about love. That worst part is that men folks are taught one thing about intimate relationship and women folks are taught another thing. For men, we are given the narrative that it's something we had to drudge through. I worked in the wedding industry for 10 years and I can count on one hand how many grooms were involved. I had so many grooms say "look let's get this thing over with." Women folk on the other hand are told that its a Princess Diana fairy tale. That's sexist as hell. I can't forget how we men folk are taught to see our wives as chattel instead of as human beings.

In the meantime, there is an industry that sells romance and makes billions off of us. Not to mention an industry that attempts to teach us how to find that one person and how to avoid bad relationships. Many folks make a killing in this industry. Yes, it's a shame that you can walk into any book store and the self help section is usually 10 times the size of the cultural studies, history, and science sections. That's a story for another blog post, right?

A gang of people ask me for advise on matters of intimate relationship and love. Let me say this, too many of us really, really make it complicated. While loving a complete and total stranger who has no relation to you unconditionally is difficult, it's not that complex. People come to me with the most outrageous stuff and then are surprised when I am like "you are making it too complicated."

Forget horoscopes, spiritual energy, previous relationships, and other things we spend too much time thinking about. Focus on the here and now. How is that person treating you right now? How is that person expressing his or herself? Do you folks actually speak to one another? Don't tell me about their mothers or their child's other parent. What about that person?

We spend to much time on the details and what is going to happen 5 years from now that we forget to do two things: love that mofo and have fun. That doesn't mean to ignore terrible habits or backwards thinking. I am not saying that. I just run into people who take once incident or statement and run with it and make all kinds of observations with no proof.

Look, we are not going to get along all the time. Sometimes we are gonna have knock down arguments over the dumbest things. It's natural. It's human. Everyday isn't Disney world. We can't fly to different exotic locales everyday. It's work. You have to work to make it happen. It's not magic and it's not spiritual. It's real work.

Unfortunately, that's the part that scares people.

http://selfra.blogspot.com/2012/09/real-love-part-ii-you-already-there.html

Real Love part II: You already there

I am a big proponent of the 7 P's. You know Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. I think that is important in any endeavor. One should be prepared and well educated even in matters of love. While I think some folks should slow their roll (like coming out of a 5 year horrible relationship or just out of prison), I find that most folks are able to get into a new relationship.

Too many times, I hear people tell other folks that they need to make sure they get "right" before getting into a relationship. While I don't know what they mean by getting "right" I know it comes from a Christian centered, patriarchal world view. They say things like "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" or other dumb things such as that.

Again, I say we should focus on the hear and now. So what if he was known for being the stud on campus. As long as he doesn't have 100 children by 50 different women, it shouldn't matter right? As long as that person protected his or her self through safe sex and no one was exploited or abused, it shouldn't matter. We worry so much about what that person did the day before we met that it becomes ridiculous. We can't control the past. It's already happened.

If someone loves someone enough, he or she will get rid of all the bad habits. If someone loves someone enough, he or she will make the necessary changes to make things work. Of course, there will be bumps along the way but aren't we all works in progress? Isn't getting into a healthy relationship a way for all of us to become better people? Isn't that the entire point?

So listen up folks, let me be the first to say it: you are ready now. You are okay the way you are. I am sure like the rest of humanity, you aren't perfect but you can work things out. There is nothing wrong with that. It's called growth and maturity. It's called learning. It's called becoming a better person. It's something we should all aspire to do.

Most important, don't forget to have fun. I think when it comes to intimate relationships we forget that. We get so focused on putting our best foot forward, that we end up mucking things up. We get so worried about looking and acting the right way, we lose ourselves. When that person pops up, we act like we don't know them. So instead of creating facades, we should just be ourselves. If that person digs us enough, they will dig all of us.

--Posted By Brother OMi to Have kampilan, will travel at 9/26/2012 10:28:00 Pm
Brother OMi <dantresomi@gmail.com>
http://selfra.blogspot.com/2012/09/real-love-part-ii-you-already-there.html