From: Brother OMi
To: The Conscious Mind in You
Subject: [Have kampilan, will travel] 6/24/2011
To: The Conscious Mind in You
Subject: [Have kampilan, will travel] 6/24/2011
Fatherhood: Should we celebrate it?
Father's day always falls around the same weekend as my oldest son's and my mother's born day. So to me that was enough of father's day gift to last a lifetime. I prefer to just celebrate their days and we usually do whether we visit NYC or Virginia. My father was never really around so I never made a big deal out of father's day. My wife has always tried to make it a special day for me but having a wonderful family is enough for me so I never made a big deal out of it.
A few days before Father's day, I had to chance to build with several of my friends. To be honest, I never knew. Many of them were upset about the fact that Father's day doesn't get the same attention as Mother's day. A few of them were really angry about it especially when I remarked "I'm not a father just to win any accolades."
A friend of mine also warned against the insults people will hurl around this day. Of course, I paid this remark no mind until a few days before Father's Day. Whether at a local barbershop, coffeeshop, or even on line, people had some really nasty things to say about dads. Some of those nasty statements came from people I love. Now I was offended and I don't agree with many of those statements but I could understand the anger. I also feel that much of it is uncalled for.
I had to urge my peers to really sit back and pay attention. As a collective, we have been slacking big time. I see it every day. I work with children whose fathers are just not there. As a matter of fact, most of my life has been working with young people whose fathers are gone for one reason or another. We don't need to do the numbers. We heard them before. As a father and a mentor I can say one thing: HELP!
I am not the one to point fingers because we can sit here all day. Despite my father's absenteeism, I forgave him a long time ago and counted my losses so there is no bitterness there. The question I have is what are we gonna do about it? People can talk until the cows come home about how a child needs a father in their lives but I don't see folks stepping up. The reason why we place so much emphasis on moms is because they are the ones doing the rearing. They are the ones left holding the bag when it comes to taking care of their children. So before we start riffing let's really looking at what is going on.
As fathers we have to more than just providers. We have to place more value in our parenting. I don't mean we need to provide lip service. Even in households with two parents, fathers are slacking. We have to be nurturers too. We have to deal with emotions and crying. We have to do things like cook and clean and yes change diapers. We have to pick up our children and drop them off. We have to join PTAs and deal with teachers.
Are there dads who are doing that? Sure they are, but I am getting tired of being one of two or three of us who show up and get busy. Some might say "well I have to work." Yet I see menfolk investing time and money on sporting events with their friends. I want to see the same investment in that form of recreation put into our children. If that means you have to work an extra Saturday, then so be it because we will work that extra Saturday for that championship game. Once we see the value in our parenting, everyone else will.
Trust me when I say people are begging for us to those kinds of things. You'd be surprised how happy and inviting teachers and administrators are when they see father's show up. At the end of the day, it isn't about the accolades. It's not about props. It's about parenting and sacrificing. It's about being a parent and making sure our communities are better off than when we inherited it.
Posted By Brother OMi to Have kampilan, will travel at 6/24/2011 12:24:00 AM
Father's day always falls around the same weekend as my oldest son's and my mother's born day. So to me that was enough of father's day gift to last a lifetime. I prefer to just celebrate their days and we usually do whether we visit NYC or Virginia. My father was never really around so I never made a big deal out of father's day. My wife has always tried to make it a special day for me but having a wonderful family is enough for me so I never made a big deal out of it.
A few days before Father's day, I had to chance to build with several of my friends. To be honest, I never knew. Many of them were upset about the fact that Father's day doesn't get the same attention as Mother's day. A few of them were really angry about it especially when I remarked "I'm not a father just to win any accolades."
A friend of mine also warned against the insults people will hurl around this day. Of course, I paid this remark no mind until a few days before Father's Day. Whether at a local barbershop, coffeeshop, or even on line, people had some really nasty things to say about dads. Some of those nasty statements came from people I love. Now I was offended and I don't agree with many of those statements but I could understand the anger. I also feel that much of it is uncalled for.
I had to urge my peers to really sit back and pay attention. As a collective, we have been slacking big time. I see it every day. I work with children whose fathers are just not there. As a matter of fact, most of my life has been working with young people whose fathers are gone for one reason or another. We don't need to do the numbers. We heard them before. As a father and a mentor I can say one thing: HELP!
I am not the one to point fingers because we can sit here all day. Despite my father's absenteeism, I forgave him a long time ago and counted my losses so there is no bitterness there. The question I have is what are we gonna do about it? People can talk until the cows come home about how a child needs a father in their lives but I don't see folks stepping up. The reason why we place so much emphasis on moms is because they are the ones doing the rearing. They are the ones left holding the bag when it comes to taking care of their children. So before we start riffing let's really looking at what is going on.
As fathers we have to more than just providers. We have to place more value in our parenting. I don't mean we need to provide lip service. Even in households with two parents, fathers are slacking. We have to be nurturers too. We have to deal with emotions and crying. We have to do things like cook and clean and yes change diapers. We have to pick up our children and drop them off. We have to join PTAs and deal with teachers.
Are there dads who are doing that? Sure they are, but I am getting tired of being one of two or three of us who show up and get busy. Some might say "well I have to work." Yet I see menfolk investing time and money on sporting events with their friends. I want to see the same investment in that form of recreation put into our children. If that means you have to work an extra Saturday, then so be it because we will work that extra Saturday for that championship game. Once we see the value in our parenting, everyone else will.
Trust me when I say people are begging for us to those kinds of things. You'd be surprised how happy and inviting teachers and administrators are when they see father's show up. At the end of the day, it isn't about the accolades. It's not about props. It's about parenting and sacrificing. It's about being a parent and making sure our communities are better off than when we inherited it.
Posted By Brother OMi to Have kampilan, will travel at 6/24/2011 12:24:00 AM
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